A Love Letter to 2022

2022 can be summed up by a conglomeration of words.

Beautiful, yes. But also uncertain, confident, lonely, independent, nomadic, constant, blissful, and chaotic. 

It seems like the older I get, the faster I change. My lowest of lows in high school seemed so catastrophic, like my life seriously would abruptly stop if I didn't get an A on a test. And my highest highs were fueled by instant gratification by my friends, family, and peers. 

It's only been three years since I walked the halls of my high school. Yet, if I were to go back, I am almost certain it would feel like a foreign country. 

I started my year in a steady pace. I had my sights set on graduating at the end of 2022 but knew a few things needed to happen first. I considered running for student government and extending my college experience by a semester, or adding a double major so I didn't have to move on so quickly. The one thing I knew I needed to accomplish was boosting my resume and try living in Washington, D.C. for a summer internship. A lot went into this process: applying, interviewing, being rejected over and over, praying something would stick, stressing, and finally hitting a winning stride. 

Simultaneously I was enjoying the curve balls and celebrations university life was throwing at me. I spent this semester trying to see if I really fit into sorority life. It had been something I longed for growing up, but never truly felt like I fit in after I ran home on bid day. I remember prepping for events more excited for my plans after I left the house then I was to be with my sisters. 

This is a lesson that has rang through the entirety of the year. Situations and relationships don't necessarily have to be problematic to be undeserving of your time and effort.

I love quickly. And as much of a blessing as this is to have space in my heart for so much, it makes it hard to realize I can love experiences without holding the people associated too tightly. 

The months of March and April taught me to focus on loving correctly. I was wrapping up my last spring semester of college and prepping to move across the country for the summer. I began cherishing the little things. I call these my "coffee shop moments." 

Moments that seem insignificant to the average eye, but hold intrinsic value to me. I was on a road trip through the Grand Tetons with some of my best friends and we were searching for any sign of wildlife in the powder covered terrain. As we drove through the park, there was a fox just sitting in the middle of the road. We spent at least ten minutes chatting with the fox. For no reason other than pure enjoyment. That is a coffee shop moment. 

Loving correctly also meant not giving my time when I couldn't give it entirely. I have a knack for over scheduling myself and letting myself down when I can't follow through. I was halfway in the process of running for a student government position when I realized it just wasn't what I needed to do. It takes a lot of honesty to tell yourself that you aren't right for something. And as someone who constantly feels a need to be right, it's extremely hard for me to be that blunt with myself. But the truth is, I didn't need to be adding to my plate. It is ok to say no. 

Just as important as it is to say no, it is equally as important to say yes.

The best yes of my life came this summer. I spent two months interning in our nations capitol. For as long as I can remember, I have been a history buff and a political nerd. When I look back on the June and July I had this year, I find myself in a daze. It was a whirlwind eight weeks. I was surrounded by women fueled by their Chrisitan faith, took a deep dive into theology, and did a lot of self reflection. 

Generally speaking, I am not a very confident person. But something about being in a new city and a couple thousand miles from anyone I knew gave me a burst of independence. I would go on walks for miles by myself after work or take the metro a few stops to read a book and people watch in a park. I talked to strangers and built a routine that was fully my own. It was entirely chaotic but beautifully rhythmic at the same time. 

Being in a new environment allows you to be fully who you are. There are no expectations, no built up perceptions, and no impossible goals other people are setting for you. Being in a new environment also allows you to be more selfless. I found myself more willing to sit back and go with the flow. Decision making was no longer stressful because I just genuinely was more open to trying new things and seeing others choose what would bring them the most joy. 

August was hard. I had to leave some of the most special people in my life back on the East Coast and prepare for my final semester of college. I didn't get to spend my summer at home and felt my first bout of homesickness this month. I moved out of an apartment, spent a few days living out of a hotel, moved home for six more days, and then drove back to school where I moved into another temporary residence.

Thankfully, I have gotten really good at consolidating my items and I have become an excellent packer.

September is a month I will not soon forget. My older brother got married to his soulmate. Their wedding was one of the happiest days of my life. I went back to D.C., met important people and special people, hugged some friends, and smiled a lot. My friend from California visited me in Utah, we went to Zion National Park, I met a ton of her friends, I smiled a lot here too. School was going really well. 

If it's possible to feel completely at peace, it was September.

The next two months were a blur. I went to Colorado, Arizona and Nevada. Twice. Almost blew up an AirBnB. Laughed extremely hard. Felt pure joy. Sang a lot of country songs and wore a lot of cowboy hats. Went to a lot of football games and skipped a lot of class. Met a boy. Not sure timing was really on my side for that one, but it's a sweet memory. 

And now we are here. December 2022. A bittersweet month. Some days it feels really really bitter. But I know I will look back and be really fond of it. I had to say a lot of hard goodbyes this month. I built a home in Utah that I wasn't really expecting to. I would do anything to wake up to my housemates music blasting on our Alexa, or sitting on my other housemates floor debriefing after a long day at work. If I could just be angry over the kitchen not being clean or our garbage being full one more time, I would. To have one last chai run or Monday lunch date with my best friend between classes, or sleepover and wake my friends up way too early would mean everything. 

2022 was too good. 

They say college is the best years of your life but I don't believe that.

Life is as beautiful as you make it. There will be good days and bad days, and maybe even bad months. But we ultimately can choose whether or not we top the previous year of life. The cool thing about being done with college is that I have all the power to make the life I want for myself. Im feeling ambitious. I can move across the world, I can live out of my car, I can move to a big city. The world is my oyster, and I wouldn't be who I am today without 2022. 

I love you 2022, thank you for everything.